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SIGURISTA While typing Erap's speech, Erap's secretary paused awhile and asked Erap. Secretary: Sir, dalawa nga ba ang -o- sa unahan ng cooperation? Erap: Dagdagan mo pa nang isa para sigurado.
TAXI Pumara si Erap ng taxi.. Erap: Magkano papuntang Makati? Taxi: Ikaw lang ho mag-isa? Erap: Bakit, hindi ka ba sasama? ___________________________________________________ .......and stuff......- Rosele Sanchez (r.sanchez@lzscpa.com)
At purse sight.
Anong tawag sa sakit ng baboy? Pig-sa.
Eh ano ang gamot sa pigsa? EEh di oink-ment!
How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog? Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it. If the cat likes it....rat, if it doesn't...cat, if it runs...dog!
Teacher: Erap spell horse! Erap : H....O.... Teacher: Bilisan mo. Erap : H....O....R... Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo. Erap : Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig... What's the sosyal term for 'utot'? Careless Whisper.
What did the napkin say to the utot? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
Ano ang kaibahan ni Prince Charles sa kulangot? Prince Charles is heir to da throne, kulangot is thrown to the air!
An alcoholic son's letter to his Dad: Beer dad, Gin na ko mag-iinom whisky kelan. Tanduayan mo yan. Your San, Miguel
HIS WAY: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Drive away A Blondes Way 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Back up and pull forward to get closer 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it. 9. Enter PIN 10. Study instructions. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. Stop 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in reverse 38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40. Drive 3 miles 41. Release parking brake My First Time... The sky was dark The moon was high All alone Just her and I Her hair so soft Her eyes so blue I knew just what She wanted to do Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart And when I did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came At last it's finished It's all over now My first time... At milking a cow. _______________________________________________ My Damet The lovely widow, Monica, had been staying in the house of her brother -and law for some weeks during the period of mourning. Meanwhile her emotions had been building up until one evening when she walked into his room and told him boldly: "Please remove my dress!" So the brother in law removed her dress. "Then remove my bra,"she said. So he unhooked her bra. "Now take off my panties!" she commanded. So he dutifully lowered her panties. "For the last time,remarked the widow in a firm tone, "don't you ever wear my garments again!" ____________________________________________________ What am I ?? This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft after everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceases emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.
WHAT AM I????
As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than your very own........................Toothbrush........... (if you guessed wrong, you have a dirty mind =? )
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